The Night Wanderer

“This poem is a variation on the story of True Thomas or Thomas the Rhymer, a Scottish poet who was said to have been given the gift of prophecy after a tryst with the Queen of Elphame. In this updated version of the story, Thomas is not a medieval Scottish poet but a modern man, lying in bed unable to sleep as he broods about the past.”

Photo by Murilo Gomes

“True Thomas Lay on Huntlie Bank…”

This poem is a variation on the story of True Thomas or Thomas the Rhymer, a Scottish poet who was said to have been given the gift of prophecy after a tryst with the Queen of Elphame. In this updated version of the story, Thomas is not a medieval Scottish poet but a modern man, lying in bed unable to sleep as he broods about the past.

In section 1, Thomas drifts off with part of his mind into a visionary encounter with the Queen of Elphame. For the remainder of the poem part of his consciousness will be in Elphame, while the other part lies awake with insomnia in the mortal world.

In section 2, Thomas lies next to his wife and stares at the wall, too terrified to sleep due to the horrors he sees when he closes his eyes.

In section 3, the Queen of Elphame warns Thomas not to be hypnotized by the wonders of the Fairy realm.

In section 4, Thomas laments his inability to forget the past, even with the aid of whiskey.

In section 5, Thomas and the Queen cross an ocean of blood to reach the land of Elphame.

In section 6, Thomas remembers a lost love who still haunts his thoughts, a woman he wants to be able to forget.

In section 7, Thomas and the Queen reach Elphame.

In section 8, Thomas lies awake thinking about his own long history of violence toward other men, and again laments the impossibility of forgetting the past.

In section 9, Thomas and the Queen of Elphame become lovers.

In section 10, Thomas lies awake in the “long dark hour” just before the dawn, the hour when heart attacks are most likely to happen.

In section 11, the Queen warns Thomas that he cannot remain with her in Elphame.

In section 12, Thomas waits for some impending catastrophe in the mortal world.

In section 13, the Queen begins to warn Thomas of the teind, the human sacrifice the Fairy court must pay. He sees the dead spirits of those who came before him.

In section 14, Thomas suffers a heart attack and realizes that death is near.

In section 15, the Queen of Elphame gives Thomas the apple of the Truth to save him from being chosen for the teind.

In section 16, Thomas eats the glass apple and has a vision that transforms his view of the world and of his own life.

In section 17, Thomas leaves Elphame and wakes up in bed beside his wife in the mortal world. But does he survive his heart attack?

 

The Night Wanderer

1

The long horizon was a dark rose

From the city’s light on the low fog.

Too many times, I had seen the blue

Falling-away of the bright dawn. I

Went with you, and you looked in my eyes

And dipped your fingers in the red stream

Where dreams floated on broken shells like

Lizards birthing. And our skiff was light –  

Made out of thin glass eggshells, soft like

Skin. “Careful, what lies ahead,” you said

“Is cold.” I wrapped my arms around me –

You did not. There was a distant look

In your eyes, and your hand on the prow.

In your green gaze, I had seen beauties

That were not human, and in your lips

I had tasted, thick as molasses,

The labyrinth of your history

And the asymmetric songs of your

Strange dances, melancholy and fast.

I had heard broken glass in your laugh,

But the finest glass. You were quiet

Like the muttering wind on a peak,

Like a deep forest of unmarked snow

Whose thick pines have never seen the spring.

2

(Outside, the trees muttered. And birds hopped

From wall to branch. There was a light breeze,

Which stirred the dead leaves. Though none of these

Mere atmospheres were fearful to me,

Yet I remained wide-eyed and staring

At the bare pock-marked wall. And of all

The shadows which rose and fell, and crept

Across my wife where she slept, and all

The tall shapes and all the thin sounds – none

Frightened me, but I was still not well.

Too many times, I had seen brash dreams

Break out of their purple shells and tell

Me nothing, but crawl across my wall.)

3

All citadels were broken there, and

The shoreline was choked with a fine mess

Of dead cities whose great fat old blocks

Stretched down to the red river like dogs

Panting in the heat. There was a thin

Coat of crystal hair along each block,

With swift colors changing like the tide,

Inconstant as snake’s eyes, hypnotic

And without meaning. “Pay them no heed.”

4

(Outside, the trees still muttered. And my

Hands fluttered like butterflies at a

Window while my eyes stared at the bare

Wall, unable to escape from my

Long awakening. Too many times

I had burned away my memories

With frenetic motion, and drunk from

An ocean of forgetting, rich and

Sweet, with deep waves like burnt caramel

And a dark well of secrets somewhere

With which I had become intimate,

The very worst of which is only

This – that you can forget nothing, that

There is nothing which you can forget.)

5

“Yet you are so quiet,” you whispered,

And your wet lips were like two soft birds

While our glass ship drifted on the red

River and the stars looked down at us

In cold submission, patient, alert

For your moment of weakness. I turned,

And heard the roaring of a distant

Sea. You looked at me, and said “This dull

Dark current, thick as with clots, is not

Made red by water. He who would come

Into our pleasant country must come

To it by blood.” And you were smiling.

6

(Outside, the leaves muttered. And I

Thought of how I had come to this pass-

Staring at a bare patch while leaves scratched

At the dry glass. There was a time that

I walked through shadows in old walls – paced

Where bridges were cold vultures, and retched

While droplets of water touched my face –

Wet insects erased by my dry flesh.

I could not forget. She was thick like

Bone, like salt crusted on a fish. She

Was deep as thin silver flakes on stone,

And my own dreams draining me of sleep.

She was my history of cloning

Lies from lies. All my bright cruelties

Glinted back at me from her snake’s eyes’

Wise irrelevant realities.

And the years passed, and at last I knew

That I would not forget. That in all

This world there is no way to forget.

And your bare patch where the leaves scratch at

The dry glass will be yours to watch. That,

And the blank revolving of the clock,

Till it drives you out to walk, alone,

By the stone arches of an old bridge.)

7

This new horizon was a dark rose

From an unknown light. There was no sun.

And our boat dried, as we came ashore,

To a fine dust. When I touched your hand

There was a softness like white birds’ wings

Breaking the wide night into pieces.

And in your wet lips my cup was full

With the water of your bright beauty

Whose cold reaches held such rich secrets,

Born of a blackly golden syrup

Which knew me and destroyed my reason,

Till I shuddered. There was that laugh, like

Broken glass. And so, we were lovers.

8

(Inside me, there was a long black patch

Which my mind scratched at, without relief,

In mixed grief and secret pleasure that

I had taken the measure of men

By their fear, that I’d seen clear into

Their hidden weaknesses, and the sad

Emptiness of their hard pretensions.

All but a few, and those are unknown,

Will moan like a scared dog under a

Black boot, will screech like a fat frog in

A snake’s mouth for their beautiful lives.

Too many times, I had seen weak men

Lick their dry lips at their new pleasure,

Taking measure of another’s fear.

Too many times, I had tried to drink

From the ocean of burnt forgetting,

Thick as caramel, with a dark well

Of secrets with which I had become

Familiar – and the worst of these is

This – that you can forget nothing, that

There is nothing which you can forget.)

9

And so, I was wet with the sweat of

Your soft body on the changing sand.

And there were locks of my hair stuck

To my face, and my ribcage heaving.

You were lighter than I would have guessed-

Lighter than a child, pressed against my

Shoulder, with your green gaze shifting. Red

Waves of color, like dark strawberries,

Flowed through your flesh. The sand, which had been

Green as a thick pine which has never

Left the spring, took on that red. I kissed

Your lips. But you were no longer there.

You were staring at a blank space in

The middle distance. Your eyes were sad.

10

(Outside, the trees were silent. No bird

Hopped. There was no hint of a mere breeze

To stir the dead leaves into false life.

Though I had been wide-eyed, and staring

At the bare pock-marked wall, I caught my

Breath. This was the time when hearts preferred

To stop. This was the hour whose juice I’d

Never known. My heart skipped by a beat

In the long dark hour before dawn,

Wet with my own sweat beside my wife.)

11

“Thomas,” you said, and a clear bead of

Sweat, warm from our mingled bodies, formed

And ran, a salted perfect river,

To the small of your back. “Thomas,” you

Said, “you cannot stay with me.” Along

The long horizon, which had turned both

Blue as the dawn and green as the sand

Had been, I heard the shuffle of ten

Thousand feet. I felt their milky gaze.

12

(“Wait for it.” I said to myself, “Just

Wait for the dawn.” The blackest moment

Of the night seeped in. There was a space

Like a gap in a glacier, like the

Endless moment just before a fall.)

13

You rolled on your back, and pulled your dress

Back on. “Thomas,” you said, “this is a

Pleasant land, for all who dwell between

The shores of its bloody rivers. And

I brought you to taste, in my salt lips,

The labyrinth of our history

And the asymmetric songs of our

Strange dances, melancholy and fast.

I gave you, thick as molasses, the

Blackly golden syrup of our rich

Secrets till your own heart’s cup was full

With the water of our bright beauty.

But you would have died.” I felt their eyes,

And I saw the triple death which had

Come on my predecessors – I saw

Their ghost souls like shards of broken glass,

Each one of them smoky and rippled

With her unforgettable soft kiss,

And the slow pain of remembering

Her touch until the end of all worlds.

14

(Now it was here. My heart no longer

Beat. Memories crowded my head like

Blind white moths. There was a chance that I

Would not be floating back across the

Black sea between late night and first light’s

Falling-away towards the blue morning.)

15

“Don’t be afraid,” you said, “They will not

Harm you. Though they might stare with all their

Milky eyes, eager to feed you to

The patient stars, yet I am their queen.

Here is the clear glass apple of the

Void, the endless empty space between

The worlds. Eat it, and drink of that vast

Churning well, that weightless cauldron where

No drop of light can slake the thirst of

Those who use all light like putty in

Creating worlds. You will speak the Truth.”

16

I drank the Truth. I tasted Truth like

The juice of the white grape. I found no

Escape from the starscapes which flashed and

Faltered, no escape from the altered

Landscapes, no way to be free of the

Seascapes shifting across my vision

Like thin shimmering mirages, real

And permanent. I was made false by

The surprising revelations flawed new

Equations granted me in the form

Of a storm of all-seeing fierce worms

Of profound understanding. And I

Was staggered. I dropped to my knees. But

There were no knees to be found where there

Was no solid ground for the standing,

And I had no eyes, but I cried in

Surprise at my own mouthless fury,

Without hands which were flailing, without

Even an atom, because I had

Spilled over. I wheeled around at the

Sick, thickly liquid sound of my own

Bones splashing on the worms’ equations.

“Bring it all to me!” Because now I

Could see, that there was no order, not

A secret order, no plan but I

Could understand its savage rhythm,

Nothing to understand but this – the

Song-rhythm of our memories has

No metronome, it keeps free timing-

And it soars up into the empty

Places, and flows between the spaces

Of its own notes, which are notes of harsh

Joy in a grand precenting, reading

The line in the void between the worlds.

I had been made sick by an excess

Of streetlights reflected on slick wet

Pavement, by beautiful cruelties,

By wise irrelevant snake’s eyes and

Their rimed realities, by my own

Desperate suicidal joy. “From this

Night on,” you said, “Just tell them the truth.”

You brushed the hair from my forgotten

Face, and gave me blood and bones again.

I left. I crossed the red river and

In my new ears, I heard the distant

Roaring of the sea.

17

And I was home.

I heard the leaves mutter, but my hands

No longer fluttered like trapped moths at

My scratched window. And I looked around.

Outside, the trees still shifted in their

Mysterious language. And I thought

Of how I had come to this strange pass-

To be numb, as if I had drunk good

Whisky, from the shapes of scars in glass.

Though I could not forget that she was

Still inside me, like an aftertaste

Of rock salt on a fish – like the bright

Glow of my old cruelties, and my

Nights in the shadow of a dead bridge,

Yet I knew that I was altered, now-

That I belonged to that queen’s void well,

Not because I had drunk of its thick

Waters, but because I had lived to

Tell what it held. And I looked at my

Wife where she was lying beside me,

And the rose of that night’s light was gone,

And I fell into a sleep with no

Dreaming, a night-wanderer in the

Blue falling-away of the bright dawn.


Christopher Scott Thompson

is an anarchist, martial arts instructor, and devotee of Brighid and Macha. Photo by Tam Hutchison.

Christopher Scott Thompson

Christopher Scott Thompson is an anarchist, martial arts instructor, devotee of Brighid and Macha, and a wandering exile roaming the earth. Profile photo by Tam Zech.

https://noctiviganti.wordpress.com/
Previous
Previous

The Pagan Music List 10: Angelo Brandaurdi, Bjork, Kalandra

Next
Next

Ukraine: “Surrendering is not an option”